I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
