I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
