if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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