My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
