I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had sex on a roof
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
