Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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