I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's shark week go big or go home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
