Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
