just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
