I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize