oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
