Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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