And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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