She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
