names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
