If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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