I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
