I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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