I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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