Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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