you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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