We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
