I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
