You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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