Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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