come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize