Welp...herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
