oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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