Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
