I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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