Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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