His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
