im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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