You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
