got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
