dude i'm inner monologue high
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
