Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
