True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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