My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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