so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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