I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
