I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
