i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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