hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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