youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize