I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
