T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
