dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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