Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
