I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
