Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize