so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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