We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
