i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
