Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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