Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
