Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
