I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
