i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
