Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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