3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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