As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
