Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
