don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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