The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
