he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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