why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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