my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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