the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
