Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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