We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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