I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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