Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
