You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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