Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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