I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
