He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
These tits shall not be calmed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
