I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
