Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
