white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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