There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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