I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
