What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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