He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
