I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
