$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't make out with my wife yet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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