the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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