I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
