Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
