if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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