Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
