What a fucking waste of an outfit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
