Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
did i walk over a car last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
