Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
love makes seman taste better
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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