Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
