): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
