Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
