Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
