Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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