Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
