I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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