also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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