oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
