Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
