the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
