You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
